Getting Started

1) If you are undecided about getting divorced


Photo By Joshua Mora
Photo By Joshua Mora
  1. Why. We will review:
    • Your reasons for considering a divorce. And why now?
    • Your readiness to choose a divorce process.
  2. How. We will discuss and possibly decide which of these 4 options available in New York State might best fit the needs of you and your family:
    • Kitchen table?
    • Mediation?
    • Collaborative Divorce?
    • Litigation?
  3. Who. Then we will explore who are the best professionals to work with you and your circumstances:
    • Co-Mediators
    • Collaborative Divorce Team: Attorney, Neutral Coach, Neutral Financial expert
    • Litigating Attorneys

2) If you have decided to get divorced
Fundamental questions for both the decided and undecided:

  1. Your History.
    • Are you married? Or have a “nontraditional” relationship?
    • Your stories. Learn more about the importance of stories.
    • How you got together. Why you now wish to split up.
    • Your feelings, which are complicated at a time like this.
    • Your values, the criteria you choose to make decisions.
  2. Fundamentals of the Divorce Process. As we sit together to discuss some basic questions, we will find out how similar and how different are you and your partner’s views. We consider:
    • What are your values? what is most important to you?
    • How do you want to live your life during the divorce? afterward?
    • What kind of relationships do you wish to have with your children? extended family? friends? work colleagues? your “ex”?
    • What is your long term vision for your family? 20 years from now, how do you want your children to remember this time?
  3. Emotional Bedrock of the Divorce Process.

3) The Professionals’ Roles:

  1. Once you and your partner choose one of these separation/divorce processes, we form a professional team, which may include a neutral couch, attorneys, and a financial expert. We will review and explain the legal and financial options you have concerning:
    • spousal support
    • child support
    • maintenance
    • property distribution
  2. My role and responsibilities as your Collaborative Coach, or Co-Mediator, differ from your Attorney’s role. The focus of his or her half of the process is legal and financial . The other half of the process is emotional. This is where the Coach attends to you and your partner’s emotional needs as well as those of the team.
  3. The Coach’s job is to make sure you experience the process as safe and equitable, and the overall process for clients and for the professionals goes as smoothly as possible.